“Ninety-eight percent of us will die at some point in our lives, so a little planning can go a long way.”

—Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights

I could see it on their faces and hear it in their voices. The difference was startling. Two couples, both clients of mine, had daughters who were getting married, but that’s where the similarities stopped.

Wedding Planner A

Chris and Robin wanted a nice wedding for their daughter Melissa, but Chris hadn’t saved a dime since he started working after graduate school. He always figured “things would work out,” and someone—his parents, his employer, or the lottery jackpot—would provide any money he and his family needed. But now, wedding plans were in full swing, and he had no money to pay for it. Money, or rather the lack of it, consumed him and his relationships with his wife and daughter. Over and over again, Robin and Melissa made plans, but when they presented them to Chris, he grimaced, shook his head, and then exploded, “You know we can’t afford that! What are you thinking?”

Chris contacted me to ask for advice about managing his money, but in fact, he had no money to manage. The family had spent all they made every month since Chris and Robin got married, so there simply wasn’t any money to pay for the wedding.

As the reality of his past choices hit him in the face, Chris felt ashamed and humiliated because he wasn’t able to provide for his dear daughter’s needs. In a short time, his discouragement slipped into depression, and he felt completely hopeless, helpless, and worthless.

Still, the wedding plans had to be made, and the stress between Chris and Robin robbed the family of the joy of Melissa’s wedding. Eventually, Chris borrowed enough money to have a very modest ceremony, but the damage was done. Every moment and every decision was dominated by the painful lack of money, so relationships were strained. They endured, rather than celebrated, Melissa’s wedding.

My other clients, Phil and Trish, had saved plenty of money for their daughter’s wedding. No, they hadn’t saved enough for swans, skywriters, and chateaubriand for 400, but they had enough for a beautiful wedding.

Phil told me that a wonderful moment came early in the planning when his daughter Alicia asked, “Dad, what’s our budget for the wedding?”

Phil answered with a question of his own, “How much were you thinking of?”

She gave him a number, and he replied, “You can add more to that. We have enough, and I want this to be a wonderful, beautiful day for you.”

Imagine what that did for Alicia’s sense of peace as she planned the wedding—and for her relationship with her dad!

I talked to Phil a number of times as the weeks wound down to the wedding, and each time, he told me some thing like, “Every day, I thank God that we have enough money to provide for Alicia’s wedding. That takes such a load off. We’re having a blast!”

Phil’s family had some decisions to make, and of course, some of the choices were difficult ones. Should they allocate more money for a photographer and less for flowers, or the other way around? But the difficulty of those decisions pales in comparison to the shame, anger, and anxiety Chris, Robin, and Melissa experienced.

When Alicia’s day arrived, it was a beautiful thing to see. Everybody was completely relaxed and focused on the joy of the moment, with no hint of anxiety about money. Phil told me, “Alicia’s wedding was beautiful, fun, and meaningful. In fact, it was glorious!” Phil and Trish had been intentional about managing their money, and they experienced incredible benefits from their plan.

Welcome to Missional Money

I’m Jim Munchbach, Certified Financial Planner™ and Professor of Personal Finance at the Bauer College of Business at University of Houston.

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